Saturday, January 06, 2007
15 rules for understanding the Middle East -- Page 1 -- Times Union - Albany NY
15 rules for understanding the Middle East -- Page 1 -- Times Union - Albany NY
First published: Wednesday, December 20, 2006
For a long time, I let my hopes for a decent outcome in Iraq triumph over what I had learned reporting from Lebanon during its civil war. Those hopes vanished last summer. So, I'd like to offer President Bush my updated rules of Middle East reporting, which also apply to diplomacy, in hopes they'll help him figure out what to do next in Iraq.
Rule 1: What people tell you in private in the Middle East is irrelevant. All that matters is what they will defend in public in their own language. Anything said to you in English, in private, doesn't count. In Washington, officials lie in public and tell the truth off the record. In the Mideast, officials say what they really believe in public and tell you what you want to hear in private.
Rule 2: Any reporter or U.S. Army officer wanting to serve in Iraq should have to take a test, consisting of one question: "Do you think the shortest distance between two points is a straight line?" If you answer yes, you can't go to Iraq. You can serve in Japan, Korea or Germany -- not Iraq.
Rule 3: If you can't explain something to Middle Easterners with a conspiracy theory, then don't try to explain it at all -- they won't believe it.
Rule 4: In the Middle East, never take a concession, except out of the mouth of the person doing the conceding. If I had a dollar for every time someone agreed to recognize Israel on behalf of Yasser Arafat, I could paper my walls.
Rule 5: Never lead your story out of Lebanon, Gaza or Iraq with a cease-fire; it will always be over before the next morning's paper.
Rule 6: In the Middle East, the extremists go all the way, and the moderates tend to just go away.
Rule 7: The most oft-used expression by moderate Arab pols is: "We were just about to stand up to the bad guys when you stupid Americans did that stupid thing. Had you stupid Americans not done that stupid thing, we would have stood up, but now it's too late. It's all your fault for being so stupid."
Rule 8: Civil wars in the Arab world are rarely about ideas -- like liberalism vs. communism. They are about which tribe gets to rule. So, yes, Iraq is having a civil war as we once did. But there is no Abe Lincoln in this war. It's the South vs. the South.
Rule 9: In Middle East tribal politics there is rarely a happy medium. When one side is weak, it will tell you, "I'm weak, how can I compromise?" And when it's strong, it will tell you, "I'm strong, why should I compromise?" Rule 10: Mideast civil wars end in one of three ways: a) like the U.S. civil war, with one side vanquishing the other; b) like the Cyprus civil war, with a hard partition and a wall dividing the parties; or c) like the Lebanon civil war, with a soft partition under an iron fist (Syria) that keeps everyone in line. Saddam used to be the iron fist in Iraq. Now it is us. If we don't want to play that role, Iraq's civil war will end with A or B.Rule 11: The most underestimated emotion in Arab politics is humiliation. The Israeli-Arab conflict, for instance, is not just about borders. Israel's mere existence is a daily humiliation to Muslims, who can't understand how, if they have the superior religion, Israel can be so powerful. Al Jazeera's editor, Ahmed Sheikh, said it best when he recently told the Swiss weekly Die Weltwoche: "It gnaws at the people in the Middle East that such a small country as Israel, with only about 7 million inhabitants, can defeat the Arab nation with its 350 million. That hurts our collective ego. The Palestinian problem is in the genes of every Arab. The West's problem is that it does not understand this."
Rule 12: Thus, the Israelis will always win, and the Palestinians will always make sure they never enjoy it. Everything else is just commentary.
Rule 13: Our first priority is democracy, but the Arabs' first priority is "justice." The oft-warring Arab tribes are all wounded souls, who really have been hurt by colonial powers, by Jewish settlements on Palestinian land, by Arab kings and dictators, and, most of all, by each other in endless tribal wars. For Iraq's long-abused Shiite majority, democracy is first and foremost a vehicle to get justice. Ditto the Kurds. For the minority Sunnis, democracy in Iraq is a vehicle of injustice. For us, democracy is all about protecting minority rights. For them, democracy is first about consolidating majority rights and getting justice.
Rule 14: The Lebanese historian Kamal Salibi had it right: "Great powers should never get involved in the politics of small tribes."
Rule 15: Whether it is Arab-Israeli peace or democracy in Iraq, you can't want it more than they do.
First published: Wednesday, December 20, 2006
For a long time, I let my hopes for a decent outcome in Iraq triumph over what I had learned reporting from Lebanon during its civil war. Those hopes vanished last summer. So, I'd like to offer President Bush my updated rules of Middle East reporting, which also apply to diplomacy, in hopes they'll help him figure out what to do next in Iraq.
Rule 1: What people tell you in private in the Middle East is irrelevant. All that matters is what they will defend in public in their own language. Anything said to you in English, in private, doesn't count. In Washington, officials lie in public and tell the truth off the record. In the Mideast, officials say what they really believe in public and tell you what you want to hear in private.
Rule 2: Any reporter or U.S. Army officer wanting to serve in Iraq should have to take a test, consisting of one question: "Do you think the shortest distance between two points is a straight line?" If you answer yes, you can't go to Iraq. You can serve in Japan, Korea or Germany -- not Iraq.
Rule 3: If you can't explain something to Middle Easterners with a conspiracy theory, then don't try to explain it at all -- they won't believe it.
Rule 4: In the Middle East, never take a concession, except out of the mouth of the person doing the conceding. If I had a dollar for every time someone agreed to recognize Israel on behalf of Yasser Arafat, I could paper my walls.
Rule 5: Never lead your story out of Lebanon, Gaza or Iraq with a cease-fire; it will always be over before the next morning's paper.
Rule 6: In the Middle East, the extremists go all the way, and the moderates tend to just go away.
Rule 7: The most oft-used expression by moderate Arab pols is: "We were just about to stand up to the bad guys when you stupid Americans did that stupid thing. Had you stupid Americans not done that stupid thing, we would have stood up, but now it's too late. It's all your fault for being so stupid."
Rule 8: Civil wars in the Arab world are rarely about ideas -- like liberalism vs. communism. They are about which tribe gets to rule. So, yes, Iraq is having a civil war as we once did. But there is no Abe Lincoln in this war. It's the South vs. the South.
Rule 9: In Middle East tribal politics there is rarely a happy medium. When one side is weak, it will tell you, "I'm weak, how can I compromise?" And when it's strong, it will tell you, "I'm strong, why should I compromise?" Rule 10: Mideast civil wars end in one of three ways: a) like the U.S. civil war, with one side vanquishing the other; b) like the Cyprus civil war, with a hard partition and a wall dividing the parties; or c) like the Lebanon civil war, with a soft partition under an iron fist (Syria) that keeps everyone in line. Saddam used to be the iron fist in Iraq. Now it is us. If we don't want to play that role, Iraq's civil war will end with A or B.Rule 11: The most underestimated emotion in Arab politics is humiliation. The Israeli-Arab conflict, for instance, is not just about borders. Israel's mere existence is a daily humiliation to Muslims, who can't understand how, if they have the superior religion, Israel can be so powerful. Al Jazeera's editor, Ahmed Sheikh, said it best when he recently told the Swiss weekly Die Weltwoche: "It gnaws at the people in the Middle East that such a small country as Israel, with only about 7 million inhabitants, can defeat the Arab nation with its 350 million. That hurts our collective ego. The Palestinian problem is in the genes of every Arab. The West's problem is that it does not understand this."
Rule 12: Thus, the Israelis will always win, and the Palestinians will always make sure they never enjoy it. Everything else is just commentary.
Rule 13: Our first priority is democracy, but the Arabs' first priority is "justice." The oft-warring Arab tribes are all wounded souls, who really have been hurt by colonial powers, by Jewish settlements on Palestinian land, by Arab kings and dictators, and, most of all, by each other in endless tribal wars. For Iraq's long-abused Shiite majority, democracy is first and foremost a vehicle to get justice. Ditto the Kurds. For the minority Sunnis, democracy in Iraq is a vehicle of injustice. For us, democracy is all about protecting minority rights. For them, democracy is first about consolidating majority rights and getting justice.
Rule 14: The Lebanese historian Kamal Salibi had it right: "Great powers should never get involved in the politics of small tribes."
Rule 15: Whether it is Arab-Israeli peace or democracy in Iraq, you can't want it more than they do.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Blog d'Elisson
Blog d'ElissonPowerful Eyes O’ Jeremy Tait, by the late Wallace Irwin.
The Powerful Eyes O’ Jeremy Tait
An old sea-dog on a sailor’s log
Thus spake to a passer-by:
“The most onnateral thing on earth
Is the power o’ the human eye -
Oh, bless me! yes, oh, blow me! yes -
It’s the power o’ the human eye!
“We’d left New York en route for Cork
A day and a half to sea,
When Jeremy Tait, our fourteenth mate,
He fastened his eyes on me.
“And wizzle me hook! ’twas a powerful look
That flashed from them eyes o’ his;
I was terrified from heart to hide
And chilled to me bones and friz.
“ ‘O Jeremy Tait, O fourteenth mate’
I hollers with looks askance,
‘Full well I wist ye’re a hypnotist,
So please to remove yer glance!’
“But Jeremy laughed as he turned abaft
His glance like a demon rat,
And he frightened the cook with his piercin’ look
And he startled the captain’s cat.
“Oh, me, oh, my! When he turned his eye
On our very efficient crew,
They fell like dead, or they stood like lead
And stiff as a poker grew.
“So early and late did Jeremy Tait
That talent o’ his employ,
Which caused the crew, and the captain, too,
Some moments of great annoy.
“For we loved J. Tait, our fourteenth mate
As an officer brave and true,
But we quite despised bein’ hypnotized
When we had so much work to do.
“So we grabbed J. Tait, our fourteenth mate
(His eyes bein’ turned away),
By collar and sleeve, and we gave a heave,
And chucked him into the spray.
“His eyes they flashed as in he splashed,
But this glance it was sent too late,
For close to our bark a man-eatin’ shark
Jumped after Jeremy Tait.
“And you can bet he would ha’ been et
If he hadn’t have did as he done -
Straight at the shark an optical spark
From his terrible eye he spun.
“Then the shark he shook at Jeremy’s look
And he quailed at Jeremy’s glance;
Then he gave a sort of a sharkery snort
And fell right into a trance!
“Quite mesmerized and hypnotized
That submarine monster lay;
Meek as a shrimp, with his fins all limp,
He silently floated away.
“So we all of us cried with a conscious pride,
‘Hurrah for Jeremy Tait!’
And we hove a line down into the brine
And reskied him from his fate.
“And the captain cries ‘We kin use them eyes
To mighty good purpose soon.
Men, spread the sails - we’re a-goin’ for whales,
And we don’t need nary harpoon.
“ ‘For when we hail a blubberous whale
A-spoutin’ the water high,
We’ll sail up bold and knock ’im cold
With the power o’ Jeremy’s eye!’ ”
And thus on his log the old sea-dog
Sat whittling nautical chips:
“Oh, powerf’ler far than the human eye
Is the truth o’ the human lips;
But rarest of all is the pearls that fall
From a truthful mariner’s lips.”
The Powerful Eyes O’ Jeremy Tait
An old sea-dog on a sailor’s log
Thus spake to a passer-by:
“The most onnateral thing on earth
Is the power o’ the human eye -
Oh, bless me! yes, oh, blow me! yes -
It’s the power o’ the human eye!
“We’d left New York en route for Cork
A day and a half to sea,
When Jeremy Tait, our fourteenth mate,
He fastened his eyes on me.
“And wizzle me hook! ’twas a powerful look
That flashed from them eyes o’ his;
I was terrified from heart to hide
And chilled to me bones and friz.
“ ‘O Jeremy Tait, O fourteenth mate’
I hollers with looks askance,
‘Full well I wist ye’re a hypnotist,
So please to remove yer glance!’
“But Jeremy laughed as he turned abaft
His glance like a demon rat,
And he frightened the cook with his piercin’ look
And he startled the captain’s cat.
“Oh, me, oh, my! When he turned his eye
On our very efficient crew,
They fell like dead, or they stood like lead
And stiff as a poker grew.
“So early and late did Jeremy Tait
That talent o’ his employ,
Which caused the crew, and the captain, too,
Some moments of great annoy.
“For we loved J. Tait, our fourteenth mate
As an officer brave and true,
But we quite despised bein’ hypnotized
When we had so much work to do.
“So we grabbed J. Tait, our fourteenth mate
(His eyes bein’ turned away),
By collar and sleeve, and we gave a heave,
And chucked him into the spray.
“His eyes they flashed as in he splashed,
But this glance it was sent too late,
For close to our bark a man-eatin’ shark
Jumped after Jeremy Tait.
“And you can bet he would ha’ been et
If he hadn’t have did as he done -
Straight at the shark an optical spark
From his terrible eye he spun.
“Then the shark he shook at Jeremy’s look
And he quailed at Jeremy’s glance;
Then he gave a sort of a sharkery snort
And fell right into a trance!
“Quite mesmerized and hypnotized
That submarine monster lay;
Meek as a shrimp, with his fins all limp,
He silently floated away.
“So we all of us cried with a conscious pride,
‘Hurrah for Jeremy Tait!’
And we hove a line down into the brine
And reskied him from his fate.
“And the captain cries ‘We kin use them eyes
To mighty good purpose soon.
Men, spread the sails - we’re a-goin’ for whales,
And we don’t need nary harpoon.
“ ‘For when we hail a blubberous whale
A-spoutin’ the water high,
We’ll sail up bold and knock ’im cold
With the power o’ Jeremy’s eye!’ ”
And thus on his log the old sea-dog
Sat whittling nautical chips:
“Oh, powerf’ler far than the human eye
Is the truth o’ the human lips;
But rarest of all is the pearls that fall
From a truthful mariner’s lips.”
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