Monday, February 13, 2006
Shit Happens
Gut Rumbles: carnival of the crappers: "Other people study the metaphysics of crap.
THE SHIT LIST GHOST SHIT- The kind where you feel the shit come out, but there is no shit in the toilet. CLEAN SHIT- The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET SHIT- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain. SECOND WAVE SHIT- It happens when you're done shitting and you have pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more. POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-SHIT- The kind where you strain so much to get it out you practically have a stroke. ICEBERG SHIT- The kind where the shit is so long that the end of it sticks above the water. RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT- You shit so much, you lose 30 pounds. LINCOLN LOG SHIT- The kind of shit that is so huge, you're afraid to flush without breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. GASEY SHIT- It is so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling. DRINKER SHIT- The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable traits are the treadmarks on the bottom of the toilet. CORN SHIT- Self-explanatory GEE, I WISH I COULD SHIT, SHIT- It's the kind where you want to shit but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped, and fart a few times. SPINAL TAP SHIT- That's where it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. WET CHEEKS SHIT (THE POWER DUMP)- The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water. LIQUID SHIT- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splatters all over the toilet bowl. MEXICAN FOOD SHIT- It smells so bad, the room must be condemned. UPPER CLASS SHIT- The kind that thinks their shit doesn't smell. FISHERMAN'S BOBBER SHIT- That's the kind where you are in a public restroom, there are two people waiting on your stall, you shit and flush two times, but several golfball size pieces are still floating above the water line."
THE SHIT LIST GHOST SHIT- The kind where you feel the shit come out, but there is no shit in the toilet. CLEAN SHIT- The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET SHIT- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain. SECOND WAVE SHIT- It happens when you're done shitting and you have pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more. POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-SHIT- The kind where you strain so much to get it out you practically have a stroke. ICEBERG SHIT- The kind where the shit is so long that the end of it sticks above the water. RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT- You shit so much, you lose 30 pounds. LINCOLN LOG SHIT- The kind of shit that is so huge, you're afraid to flush without breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. GASEY SHIT- It is so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling. DRINKER SHIT- The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable traits are the treadmarks on the bottom of the toilet. CORN SHIT- Self-explanatory GEE, I WISH I COULD SHIT, SHIT- It's the kind where you want to shit but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped, and fart a few times. SPINAL TAP SHIT- That's where it hurts so bad coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. WET CHEEKS SHIT (THE POWER DUMP)- The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water. LIQUID SHIT- The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splatters all over the toilet bowl. MEXICAN FOOD SHIT- It smells so bad, the room must be condemned. UPPER CLASS SHIT- The kind that thinks their shit doesn't smell. FISHERMAN'S BOBBER SHIT- That's the kind where you are in a public restroom, there are two people waiting on your stall, you shit and flush two times, but several golfball size pieces are still floating above the water line."
ECONOMY FACTS
Everything I Know Is Wrong: It's too bad the economy is in such bad shape...
It's too bad the economy is in such bad shape...
Just think how good the news would be if it were in good shape.
Payroll growth averaged 160,000 per month in 2005; it has averaged 229,000 in the past three months. The drop in the jobless rate in January to the lowest level since April 2001 was a surprise: Economists surveyed by MarketWatch expected the unemployment rate to remain at 4.9%.
The unemployment rate has dropped to 4.7%.
Average hourly wages rose 7 cents or 0.4% to $16.41. Economists expected a 0.3% gain. Average hourly earnings are up 3.3% in the past year, about the same as the inflation rate.
The average work week was steady at a revised 33.8 hours. Total hours worked in the economy increased 0.2%
Payrolls in the goods-producing sectors increased by 58,000, including 46,000 in construction and 7,000 in manufacturing. It's the third increase in factory jobs in the past four months.
Payrolls in the services sector rose by 135,000 in January. Education and health care industries added 39,000 jobs; leisure and hospitality industries added 26,000. Retail jobs fell by 1,500.
Of 278 industries, 57.6% were hiring in January. Among 84 manufacturing industries, 47.6% were hiring.
My wife was "discussing" the state of the economy with a liberal friend who was convinced that it was in seriously bad shape. In the end my wife said that it must be "only the numbers" that made it look so good. Her friend agreed.
It's too bad the economy is in such bad shape...
Just think how good the news would be if it were in good shape.
Payroll growth averaged 160,000 per month in 2005; it has averaged 229,000 in the past three months. The drop in the jobless rate in January to the lowest level since April 2001 was a surprise: Economists surveyed by MarketWatch expected the unemployment rate to remain at 4.9%.
The unemployment rate has dropped to 4.7%.
Average hourly wages rose 7 cents or 0.4% to $16.41. Economists expected a 0.3% gain. Average hourly earnings are up 3.3% in the past year, about the same as the inflation rate.
The average work week was steady at a revised 33.8 hours. Total hours worked in the economy increased 0.2%
Payrolls in the goods-producing sectors increased by 58,000, including 46,000 in construction and 7,000 in manufacturing. It's the third increase in factory jobs in the past four months.
Payrolls in the services sector rose by 135,000 in January. Education and health care industries added 39,000 jobs; leisure and hospitality industries added 26,000. Retail jobs fell by 1,500.
Of 278 industries, 57.6% were hiring in January. Among 84 manufacturing industries, 47.6% were hiring.
My wife was "discussing" the state of the economy with a liberal friend who was convinced that it was in seriously bad shape. In the end my wife said that it must be "only the numbers" that made it look so good. Her friend agreed.
Cartoons
EconoPundit: "Via Rantings of a Sand Monkey we have those insensitive cartoons printed in a matter-of-fact fashion by a major Egyptian newspaper LAST OCTOBER during Ramadan:"
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Restroom Revelations
Restroom Revelations: "First of all, ADHD is real. Second of all, it isn't called ADHD anymore, hyperactivity is but one symptom of many. They used to think THAT was the problem, but it's not, it is merely a symptom. Don't forget, this is an ADHD house, and only one of them, well, two, are hyperactive. The boys were when they were a lot younger, but only one of the older ones has retained that symptome, the rest have kind of outgrown it. It IS hereditary and undiagnosed can cause a HOST of problems. Kids who have undiagnosed ADHD are much more likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol in an effort to self medicate."
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Everything I Know Is Wrong: A New Mini Ice Age.
Everything I Know Is Wrong: A New Mini Ice Age.: "A New Mini Ice Age.
My friend Tim points to this article where a Russian scientist is predicting that a mini ice age will occur in just a few decades.
Khabibullo Abdusamatov of the Pulkovo Astronomic Observatory in St. Petersburg said Monday that temperatures will begin falling six or seven years from now, when global warming caused by increased solar activity in the 20th century reaches its peak, RIA Novosti reported.
Abdusamatove said that fluctuations in the Earths surface temperature are normal and are caused by differences in solar activity.
The Northern Hemisphere's most recent cool-down period occurred between 1645 and 1705. The resulting period, known as the Little Ice Age, left canals in the Netherlands frozen solid and forced people in Greenland to abandon their houses to glaciers, the scientist said.
It is reports like this one that have global warming scaremongers changing their terminology to 'global climate change.'"
My friend Tim points to this article where a Russian scientist is predicting that a mini ice age will occur in just a few decades.
Khabibullo Abdusamatov of the Pulkovo Astronomic Observatory in St. Petersburg said Monday that temperatures will begin falling six or seven years from now, when global warming caused by increased solar activity in the 20th century reaches its peak, RIA Novosti reported.
Abdusamatove said that fluctuations in the Earths surface temperature are normal and are caused by differences in solar activity.
The Northern Hemisphere's most recent cool-down period occurred between 1645 and 1705. The resulting period, known as the Little Ice Age, left canals in the Netherlands frozen solid and forced people in Greenland to abandon their houses to glaciers, the scientist said.
It is reports like this one that have global warming scaremongers changing their terminology to 'global climate change.'"
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Gut Rumbles: The religion of peace
Gut Rumbles: The religion of peace: "The religion of peace
Deeply offended by cartoons portraying Mohammed as a whacked-out, bloodthirsty, lunatic bomb-head, peace-loving Muslims set fire to the Danish and Norwegian embassies in Damascus today. Protesting against what the Muslims regard as an insult to their Religion of Peace, 500 demonstrators gathered in the Pakistani city of Lahore to shout 'Death to Denmark' and 'Hang the culprits.'
Other insulted protesters attempted to approach the French and United States embassies with their peaceful messages, including 'Behead the Infidels,' but were turned away by police with water hoses and tear gas. Disappointed by the heavy-handed response of the authorities, some Muslims chanted 'Europe, Your 9-11 Will Come,' referring to the Muslim custom of performing The 9-11 Happy-Feet Dance in the streets when feeling particularly religious and peaceful.
Allah Akbar! Such dignity they have! Such respect for life!
Our dangerous, manical, bloodthirsty, zealous Religious Right sure could learn a lot about civilized behavior by studying these peaceful people...
"
Deeply offended by cartoons portraying Mohammed as a whacked-out, bloodthirsty, lunatic bomb-head, peace-loving Muslims set fire to the Danish and Norwegian embassies in Damascus today. Protesting against what the Muslims regard as an insult to their Religion of Peace, 500 demonstrators gathered in the Pakistani city of Lahore to shout 'Death to Denmark' and 'Hang the culprits.'
Other insulted protesters attempted to approach the French and United States embassies with their peaceful messages, including 'Behead the Infidels,' but were turned away by police with water hoses and tear gas. Disappointed by the heavy-handed response of the authorities, some Muslims chanted 'Europe, Your 9-11 Will Come,' referring to the Muslim custom of performing The 9-11 Happy-Feet Dance in the streets when feeling particularly religious and peaceful.
Allah Akbar! Such dignity they have! Such respect for life!
Our dangerous, manical, bloodthirsty, zealous Religious Right sure could learn a lot about civilized behavior by studying these peaceful people...
"
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
[The] English-Blog [.com]: Poems In The English Writing Classroom
[The] English-Blog [.com]: Poems In The English Writing Classroom: "FIRE AND ICE
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
--Robert Frost"
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
--Robert Frost"
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
BlogginWallStreet: The Whole World's a Bitch Fest
BlogginWallStreet: The Whole World's a Bitch Fest: "
The Whole World's a Bitch Fest
Yes, I'm off my rocker. I'm off my rocker with frustration. These are things I hear day in and day out. Seems like no one has a word good to say. Is it any wonder so many people obsess over so many of these things when it's thrown at them the way it is.
The U.S. is in decline. It's going the way of Greece and Rome.
Capitalism is a failed experiment.
Our trade deficit is too large.
Our budget deficit is too large.
Our debt is too large.
We'll all be sharecroppers to the rest of the world because we owe too much to foreigners.
We don't save enough.
We spend too much and buy too many frivolous things.
We're cashing out too much equity from our homes.
The dollar is doomed as soon as China and Japan stop buying our bonds.
From one year to the next uncontrollable deflation then rampant inflation are inevitable.
There's too much crime.
There's too much corporate corruption.
Our corporate leaders make too much money.
We're too fat.
We're stupid. Our kids get stupider with every generation.
We can't invent anything anymore.
No one wants to buy our stuff.
The rest of the world has passed us up and is leaving us behind.
China and India are the best places to invest your money.
We've seen the end of cheap energy.
Commodities are the greatest investment in the world.
Stocks stink.
Put 25% of your money overseas and half that in emerging markets.
Buy gold. It's the only thing that will be of value when our economy collapses.
Healthcare costs too much.
Education inflation is out of control.
Social Security is unsalvageable.
Too many men are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The government is spying too much.
The government isn't doing enough to stop terrorism.
Companies don't pay out enough of their profits.
Corporate boards are corrupt.
Companies aren't transparent enough.
The Fed isn't transparent enough.
Bernanke is too focused on inflation targeting.
Bernanke is too focused on deflation.
The money supply's too big.
Foreigners are buying up all our land, which I don't know why they'd want it anyway since our corporations are polluting it to death.
What do any of these things matter anyway when we're all about to die from bird flu, WWIII with China, Global Warming, or an asteroid, whichever comes first. And if the first one that happens doesn't get you, then one of the others will finish you off. We might as well go ahead and blow ourselves up and get it over with since we're all a bunch of heathen atheists anyway. Just launch the missiles straight up in the air and watch 'em come back down. It will be quite a show. The expatriate perma-bears can watch our self inflicted Armageddon on Al Jazeera while they gloat and cheer over our self-destruction. It's too bad though that they won't be able to cash in on their shorts since the exchanges will be gone.
My biggest complaint is that we complain too much. We just bitch and moan about everything. We bitch about the destruction of our planet. We bitch about our country. I was just working in the local Borders café and the mayor of the town next door was sitting nearby bitching to some kind of planner person about whatever there is to bitch about in a small town. People all across the country are bitching about their towns and schools. There's no end to the bitching.
How can I complain when I made it to Arapahoe Basin last Friday on the first day they opened up the famous East Wall for an afternoon of untracked bottomless powder skiing above the treeline? About the only other thing I have to bitch about is that neither the Colts nor the Broncos made it to the SuperBowl.
posted by Mark Mahorney at 7:34 PM
1 Comments:
Mark Mahorney said...
I'm an optimist. Is that so wrong?
7:52 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home
The Whole World's a Bitch Fest
Yes, I'm off my rocker. I'm off my rocker with frustration. These are things I hear day in and day out. Seems like no one has a word good to say. Is it any wonder so many people obsess over so many of these things when it's thrown at them the way it is.
The U.S. is in decline. It's going the way of Greece and Rome.
Capitalism is a failed experiment.
Our trade deficit is too large.
Our budget deficit is too large.
Our debt is too large.
We'll all be sharecroppers to the rest of the world because we owe too much to foreigners.
We don't save enough.
We spend too much and buy too many frivolous things.
We're cashing out too much equity from our homes.
The dollar is doomed as soon as China and Japan stop buying our bonds.
From one year to the next uncontrollable deflation then rampant inflation are inevitable.
There's too much crime.
There's too much corporate corruption.
Our corporate leaders make too much money.
We're too fat.
We're stupid. Our kids get stupider with every generation.
We can't invent anything anymore.
No one wants to buy our stuff.
The rest of the world has passed us up and is leaving us behind.
China and India are the best places to invest your money.
We've seen the end of cheap energy.
Commodities are the greatest investment in the world.
Stocks stink.
Put 25% of your money overseas and half that in emerging markets.
Buy gold. It's the only thing that will be of value when our economy collapses.
Healthcare costs too much.
Education inflation is out of control.
Social Security is unsalvageable.
Too many men are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The government is spying too much.
The government isn't doing enough to stop terrorism.
Companies don't pay out enough of their profits.
Corporate boards are corrupt.
Companies aren't transparent enough.
The Fed isn't transparent enough.
Bernanke is too focused on inflation targeting.
Bernanke is too focused on deflation.
The money supply's too big.
Foreigners are buying up all our land, which I don't know why they'd want it anyway since our corporations are polluting it to death.
What do any of these things matter anyway when we're all about to die from bird flu, WWIII with China, Global Warming, or an asteroid, whichever comes first. And if the first one that happens doesn't get you, then one of the others will finish you off. We might as well go ahead and blow ourselves up and get it over with since we're all a bunch of heathen atheists anyway. Just launch the missiles straight up in the air and watch 'em come back down. It will be quite a show. The expatriate perma-bears can watch our self inflicted Armageddon on Al Jazeera while they gloat and cheer over our self-destruction. It's too bad though that they won't be able to cash in on their shorts since the exchanges will be gone.
My biggest complaint is that we complain too much. We just bitch and moan about everything. We bitch about the destruction of our planet. We bitch about our country. I was just working in the local Borders café and the mayor of the town next door was sitting nearby bitching to some kind of planner person about whatever there is to bitch about in a small town. People all across the country are bitching about their towns and schools. There's no end to the bitching.
How can I complain when I made it to Arapahoe Basin last Friday on the first day they opened up the famous East Wall for an afternoon of untracked bottomless powder skiing above the treeline? About the only other thing I have to bitch about is that neither the Colts nor the Broncos made it to the SuperBowl.
posted by Mark Mahorney at 7:34 PM
1 Comments:
Mark Mahorney said...
I'm an optimist. Is that so wrong?
7:52 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home
BlogginWallStreet: I'm thankful for...
BlogginWallStreet: I'm thankful for...: "I'm thankful for...
Yesterday, I took my six-year old son to play hockey. When it was time to leave all he could do was complain about having to go. He didn't appreciate that I took him there. He didn't appreciate what he had until I threatened not to take him back again.
The perma-bears have the mentality of six-year olds. They can't appreciate what they have. Most countries don't have social security systems to lose. Most countries don't have stock markets, commodity markets, and 401k plans to invest in. Most countries don't have home equity to cash out. Most countries don't have trade deficits because their citizens don't have any money to spend on much of anything more than the bare necessities. Some countries have better school test scores because only their most privileged citizens are tested. The U.S. has lower college scores because just about anyone can go to college. The U.S. has one of the highest college participation rates in the world. I'm thankful for having so many opportunities to screw things up and get screwed over.
posted by Mark Mahorney at 8:25 PM"
Yesterday, I took my six-year old son to play hockey. When it was time to leave all he could do was complain about having to go. He didn't appreciate that I took him there. He didn't appreciate what he had until I threatened not to take him back again.
The perma-bears have the mentality of six-year olds. They can't appreciate what they have. Most countries don't have social security systems to lose. Most countries don't have stock markets, commodity markets, and 401k plans to invest in. Most countries don't have home equity to cash out. Most countries don't have trade deficits because their citizens don't have any money to spend on much of anything more than the bare necessities. Some countries have better school test scores because only their most privileged citizens are tested. The U.S. has lower college scores because just about anyone can go to college. The U.S. has one of the highest college participation rates in the world. I'm thankful for having so many opportunities to screw things up and get screwed over.
posted by Mark Mahorney at 8:25 PM"
Sunday, January 22, 2006
the irish lass
the irish lass: "Rat Pack Lingo
Do you need some new vocab?
18 KARAT
All the way, full-out: “An 18 karat idiot.”
BABY
Used as an exclamation as well as a term of endearment.
BAG
As in “my bag,” a person's particular interest.
BARN BURNER
A very stylish, classy woman. " Etc
Do you need some new vocab?
18 KARAT
All the way, full-out: “An 18 karat idiot.”
BABY
Used as an exclamation as well as a term of endearment.
BAG
As in “my bag,” a person's particular interest.
BARN BURNER
A very stylish, classy woman. " Etc
Babalu Blog: 41
Babalu Blog: 41
But not today. It's my birthday.
Forty-one years ago, my father gave the doctor that delivered me a bucket of lard and a guanajo, a turkey, as payment for the hours he spent bringing me into this world while ensuring that my mother would be fine.
Thirty-seven years ago, my father gave me the opportunity of enjoying my birthdays in freedom by exiling his family to the United States of America. It may have been in October of 1968, but it has been the best birthday present anyone could ever give or wish to receive.
This 41 year old nitwit loves his life.
My wife calls me her King. She is my Queen.
My dog loves me and never leaves my side.
I am my mother's niño lindo and my father's source of pride.
I was my grandparents "Primo" and the recipient of their love and knowledge and affection.
I am my nieces' and nephew's Uncle, my sister's brother and my family's Valen.
I've been chosen by many to be their friend.
I live in the United States of America and I am free.
And I am a Cuban with the liberty to know and speak the truth.
What more could any birthday nitwit ask for?
But not today. It's my birthday.
Forty-one years ago, my father gave the doctor that delivered me a bucket of lard and a guanajo, a turkey, as payment for the hours he spent bringing me into this world while ensuring that my mother would be fine.
Thirty-seven years ago, my father gave me the opportunity of enjoying my birthdays in freedom by exiling his family to the United States of America. It may have been in October of 1968, but it has been the best birthday present anyone could ever give or wish to receive.
This 41 year old nitwit loves his life.
My wife calls me her King. She is my Queen.
My dog loves me and never leaves my side.
I am my mother's niño lindo and my father's source of pride.
I was my grandparents "Primo" and the recipient of their love and knowledge and affection.
I am my nieces' and nephew's Uncle, my sister's brother and my family's Valen.
I've been chosen by many to be their friend.
I live in the United States of America and I am free.
And I am a Cuban with the liberty to know and speak the truth.
What more could any birthday nitwit ask for?
Townhall.com :: A Profane Life by Doug Giles Jan 21, 2006
Townhall.com :: A Profane Life by Doug Giles Jan 21, 2006
A Profane Life
By Doug Giles
Jan 21, 2006
My column last week, “The Arts, Farts and a Good Start,” got some hyper-religious people ticked off. Ah, the simple pleasures in my life. They couldn’t believe that I would encourage Christians to get involved in bad places like Hollywood, or the music industry or in D.C. They stated that my encouragement of other believers into such putrid places was unbiblical.
Well, kiss my grits. Excuse me for living.
I could be wrong, but didn’t Jesus leave His God-blessed heaven to redeem this sin-cursed earth? Didn’t He hang out with the worst of the worse? And didn’t He go to their ubiquitous watering holes and come away having influenced them and not the other way around? And didn’t He find some amazing apostles in places that most holier-than-thou’s would never have been seen? Yes, Jedediah, I think he did.
Look, horribly confused Christian: from what I’ve gathered from reading the scripture a few times, the believer has three options when he’s faced with an overtly wicked environment. He can either:
1. Absorb the culture.
2. Separate from the culture.
3. Or infiltrate the culture.
Let’s check out the tres selececciones.
Absorption.
The Christian who absorbs the culture is the type that is always testing the wind of public opinion and, like a spiritual weather vane, he twists with the prevailing airflow. This type of “believer” doesn’t really believe much; rather he allows his “convictions” to be crafted by what currently is en vogue.
Such spineless, Christian-in-name-only followers of a Jesus of their own imagination can be counted on to not stand up and be counted when Christ’s commandments run contrary to culture. The absorption crowd regularly blows off truth in favor of being liked. You’ve seen these sad cases in society, I’m sure. Believers who, trying way too hard to be relevant, hip and groovy Christians, end up doing the politically correct thing and thus, lose their contrary sting.
They have no spine. They have no conviction that they’ll live and die for. Any attempt to get them to take an unpopular stand in society causes them to melt like Bill Clinton does in front of a chunky girl with D cups. The absorption crew sees it as their business to take the bones out of the Christian fish symbol and make Jesus yummy, digestible and unobtrusive to the obstreperous.
That’s the absorption crowd.
Separation.
The separatist, on the other hand, is a completely different animal from the absorbing Christian. The separatist couldn’t give a rip what the world thinks. The separatists hate the world and all that the world is. Most of them won’t come out and say that, but it’s true. They don’t want involvement in the public square. They don’t want involvement with culture. They view most of what culture has to offer as unclean contaminates, and they’re somewhat spot-on. Godless culture is godless, and thus it is wickedly whacked. An uninformed, unprepared believer can end being . . . uh . . . influenced if he’s naïve and doesn’t watch his backside when he sashays into this world.
You’ve seen it before: some nice looking country girl with Christian values gets into showbiz and goes from being a dancer on the Mickey Mouse Club to dancing naked onstage in front of thousands while holding a white python and French kissing an aging Madonna.
The separatist, instead of holding onto his biblical bearings while interfacing with the irreverent, would rather not have the interaction—and thus, the test of his convictions—at all. The separatists believe that Christian victory and ascendancy over corrupt culture can come only through avoidance. The only victory they have over corruption is from the simple fact that they have distanced themselves from being tested. Therefore, no one, including the separatists, really knows what they believe and what they stand for. They’re sheltered little darlings that live in a Tweety Bird chirping, religious biosphere away from the ugly world.
The problem with the separatists is not only do they not know what they really know, but also that they fail to reach out to those who could use a helping hand. What’s worse is they develop an us vs. them mentality, a spiritual xenophobia towards the unwashed masses. This sin of self-righteousness, in the separatists, happens to be the very thing that ticked off Christ the most. And BTW, the only folks Christ ever warned His followers to flee from were not the gross, obvious, overt sinners—but the pompous and nauseous, self-righteous religios.
Infiltration.
Since absorption and separation are not an option for the true Christian, what is the believer to do? The only biblical option for the concerned Christian is to infiltrate society. This means we must leave our sterilized, supposedly sin-free environments and get into the swill of the real world and live what Martin Luther said was the Christian’s duty: a profane life.
Martin Luther, the 16th century Augustinian monk who shook all of Christendom like a bowl of liposcutioned fat, thought that a Christian was worthless until he came to the place of maturity where he could live profanely, i.e., “outside the temple.”
What good is our faith if it’s just our personal relationship with Jesus? How the heck does such a faith make a difference to this planet, you little self-obsessed, religious me monkey? Our faith is useless unless it sees use outside the temple and inside the public square, and the arts and the political realms are in dire need of serious saints who are over-the-top with excellence in what they do.
Don’t absorb the culture, Chicken Little. Stand up to it. Also, don’t run from the culture and separate from it, girlie man; but rather infiltrate it with creativity, love, grace and conviction, and watch the world that currently makes you wretch do a 180 via your growing Christian influence.
Giles’ new book, The Bulldog Attitude: Get It or Get Left Behind, has just been released! It is guaranteed to take the poo out of poodles and give them the Bulldog Attitude. It is a great read for young and old, families, churches and corporations who wish to excel. Logon to www.ClashRadio.com and check out Doug's latest interview with Frank Gaffney, author of the book War Footing.
Doug Giles is the creator and host of "The Clash" radio shows and a contributing columnist on Townhall.com.
Copyright © 2006 2005 Doug Giles
A Profane Life
By Doug Giles
Jan 21, 2006
My column last week, “The Arts, Farts and a Good Start,” got some hyper-religious people ticked off. Ah, the simple pleasures in my life. They couldn’t believe that I would encourage Christians to get involved in bad places like Hollywood, or the music industry or in D.C. They stated that my encouragement of other believers into such putrid places was unbiblical.
Well, kiss my grits. Excuse me for living.
I could be wrong, but didn’t Jesus leave His God-blessed heaven to redeem this sin-cursed earth? Didn’t He hang out with the worst of the worse? And didn’t He go to their ubiquitous watering holes and come away having influenced them and not the other way around? And didn’t He find some amazing apostles in places that most holier-than-thou’s would never have been seen? Yes, Jedediah, I think he did.
Look, horribly confused Christian: from what I’ve gathered from reading the scripture a few times, the believer has three options when he’s faced with an overtly wicked environment. He can either:
1. Absorb the culture.
2. Separate from the culture.
3. Or infiltrate the culture.
Let’s check out the tres selececciones.
Absorption.
The Christian who absorbs the culture is the type that is always testing the wind of public opinion and, like a spiritual weather vane, he twists with the prevailing airflow. This type of “believer” doesn’t really believe much; rather he allows his “convictions” to be crafted by what currently is en vogue.
Such spineless, Christian-in-name-only followers of a Jesus of their own imagination can be counted on to not stand up and be counted when Christ’s commandments run contrary to culture. The absorption crowd regularly blows off truth in favor of being liked. You’ve seen these sad cases in society, I’m sure. Believers who, trying way too hard to be relevant, hip and groovy Christians, end up doing the politically correct thing and thus, lose their contrary sting.
They have no spine. They have no conviction that they’ll live and die for. Any attempt to get them to take an unpopular stand in society causes them to melt like Bill Clinton does in front of a chunky girl with D cups. The absorption crew sees it as their business to take the bones out of the Christian fish symbol and make Jesus yummy, digestible and unobtrusive to the obstreperous.
That’s the absorption crowd.
Separation.
The separatist, on the other hand, is a completely different animal from the absorbing Christian. The separatist couldn’t give a rip what the world thinks. The separatists hate the world and all that the world is. Most of them won’t come out and say that, but it’s true. They don’t want involvement in the public square. They don’t want involvement with culture. They view most of what culture has to offer as unclean contaminates, and they’re somewhat spot-on. Godless culture is godless, and thus it is wickedly whacked. An uninformed, unprepared believer can end being . . . uh . . . influenced if he’s naïve and doesn’t watch his backside when he sashays into this world.
You’ve seen it before: some nice looking country girl with Christian values gets into showbiz and goes from being a dancer on the Mickey Mouse Club to dancing naked onstage in front of thousands while holding a white python and French kissing an aging Madonna.
The separatist, instead of holding onto his biblical bearings while interfacing with the irreverent, would rather not have the interaction—and thus, the test of his convictions—at all. The separatists believe that Christian victory and ascendancy over corrupt culture can come only through avoidance. The only victory they have over corruption is from the simple fact that they have distanced themselves from being tested. Therefore, no one, including the separatists, really knows what they believe and what they stand for. They’re sheltered little darlings that live in a Tweety Bird chirping, religious biosphere away from the ugly world.
The problem with the separatists is not only do they not know what they really know, but also that they fail to reach out to those who could use a helping hand. What’s worse is they develop an us vs. them mentality, a spiritual xenophobia towards the unwashed masses. This sin of self-righteousness, in the separatists, happens to be the very thing that ticked off Christ the most. And BTW, the only folks Christ ever warned His followers to flee from were not the gross, obvious, overt sinners—but the pompous and nauseous, self-righteous religios.
Infiltration.
Since absorption and separation are not an option for the true Christian, what is the believer to do? The only biblical option for the concerned Christian is to infiltrate society. This means we must leave our sterilized, supposedly sin-free environments and get into the swill of the real world and live what Martin Luther said was the Christian’s duty: a profane life.
Martin Luther, the 16th century Augustinian monk who shook all of Christendom like a bowl of liposcutioned fat, thought that a Christian was worthless until he came to the place of maturity where he could live profanely, i.e., “outside the temple.”
What good is our faith if it’s just our personal relationship with Jesus? How the heck does such a faith make a difference to this planet, you little self-obsessed, religious me monkey? Our faith is useless unless it sees use outside the temple and inside the public square, and the arts and the political realms are in dire need of serious saints who are over-the-top with excellence in what they do.
Don’t absorb the culture, Chicken Little. Stand up to it. Also, don’t run from the culture and separate from it, girlie man; but rather infiltrate it with creativity, love, grace and conviction, and watch the world that currently makes you wretch do a 180 via your growing Christian influence.
Giles’ new book, The Bulldog Attitude: Get It or Get Left Behind, has just been released! It is guaranteed to take the poo out of poodles and give them the Bulldog Attitude. It is a great read for young and old, families, churches and corporations who wish to excel. Logon to www.ClashRadio.com and check out Doug's latest interview with Frank Gaffney, author of the book War Footing.
Doug Giles is the creator and host of "The Clash" radio shows and a contributing columnist on Townhall.com.
Copyright © 2006 2005 Doug Giles
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