Saturday, December 21, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Humorl
#1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'Bread.' If you said 'toast,' just give up now, and go do something else.
And, try not to hurt yourself!
If you said, bread, go to Question #2.
And, try not to hurt yourself!
If you said, bread, go to Question #2.
#2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is
already overstressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate
literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World. However,
if you did say 'water,' proceed to Question #3.
#3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks,
and a pink house is made from pink bricks, and a black house is made from black bricks,
what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading this???
If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading this???
PLEASE, go lie down!!!
But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.
But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.
#4. Do not use a calculator for this:
You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus, and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off, and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off, and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off, and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.
Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!!!
Don't you remember your own age?!? It was YOU, driving the bus!!!
HUMOR
(219 unread) - jdr1228 - Yahoo Mail: 72 virgins
An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah.
He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I have never been with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 whores.?"
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty."
The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity.?"
And Allah replied, "Who said they were women.?"
An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah.
He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I have never been with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 whores.?"
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty."
The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity.?"
And Allah replied, "Who said they were women.?"
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Curmudgeonly & Skeptical presents Boned Jello
Curmudgeonly & Skeptical presents Boned Jello: Famous Presidential Lies
LBJ:
We were attacked (in the Gulf of Tonkin) 1
Nixon
I am not a crook 2
Clinton:
I did not have sex with that woman... Miss Lewinski
Bush - 41:
Read my lips - No new taxes 3
Obama:
LBJ:
We were attacked (in the Gulf of Tonkin) 1
Nixon
I am not a crook 2
Clinton:
I did not have sex with that woman... Miss Lewinski
Bush - 41:
Read my lips - No new taxes 3
Obama:
- I will have the most transparent administration in history.
- TARP is to fund shovel-ready jobs.
- I am focused like a laser on creating jobs.
- The IRS is not targeting anyone.
- It was a spontaneous riot about a movie.
- If I had a son.
- I will put an end to the type of politics that "breeds division, conflict and cynicism".
- You didn't build that!
- I will restore trust in Government.
- The Cambridge cops acted stupidly.
- The public will have 5 days to look at every bill that lands on my desk
- It's not my red line - it is the world's red line.
- Whistle blowers will be protected in my administration.
- We got back every dime we used to rescue the banks and auto companies, with interest.
- I am not spying on American citizens.
- ObamaCare will be good for America
- You can keep your family doctor.
- Premiums will be lowered by $2500.
- If you like it, you can keep your current healthcare plan
- It's just like shopping at Amazon
- I knew nothing about "Fast and Furious" gunrunning to Mexican drug cartels
- I knew nothing about IRS targeting conservative groups
- I knew nothing about what happened in Benghazi
- And the biggest one of all:
- "I, Barrack Hussein Obama, pledge to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States of America."
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